Allyship I: Creating Supportive Networks in the Workplace

As I sit down to reflect on my experience working at a fintech company here in Ikoyi, Lagos, a flood of memories come rushing back, both bitter and sweet. Most of the staff at the company were great to work with, so I had an environment that felt inclusive and supportive, at least initially. There was one lady who, however, cast a shadow over my time there. I had experienced a lot of discrimination before due to the way I dressed, walked and carried myself. Even the way I talked. There was nothing condescending or conceited about me except that a long time ago, before coming out as a lesbian, I told myself I wasn’t going to shrink myself to make other people feel okay about their prejudices. So, the fact that I am a lesbian readily showed in my dressing and carriage. But as time went on at the company, I felt anything but welcomed.

I remember her well, the lady: she seemed to harbor an intense dislike for me simply because of who I am. As a lesbian woman who dresses in a manner she deems unconventional, I became the target of her contempt. Her insults, disguised as casual banter, cut deep. “Gay” “manny” and “scissors” became her preferred ammunition, aimed squarely at me whenever I was within earshot. She always made it seem like a joke, but it was always an expensive one. I always tried to avoid her when I could. The snide remarks and fake lisp she employed to mock gay people made it abundantly clear where she stood.

But it wasn’t just her words that made my time at the company uncomfortable. She delved into intrusive questions about my personal life, prying into matters that were none of her concern. On occasion, she would regale me with explicit details of her own romantic escapades, leaving me feeling utterly unsettled. It was as though she reveled in making me feel like an outsider in my own workplace.

When I confronted her, she remarked in a funny way that it was a function meant “only for women” and that I clearly was not one, that I was a man.

The last straw was when she removed my name from a list of women who were appointed to attend an advocacy function for a drive to empower small to medium business (SMBs) women in Mushin, an initiative of the company’s corporate social responsibility (CSR). When I confronted her, she remarked in a funny way that it was a function meant “only for women” and that I clearly was not one, that I was a man. Then she burst into a fresh outburst of mirth like it was funny. I had never felt so lonely and embarrassed in my entire life. Our colleagues were looking at me to say something but I did not. I felt the ground disappearing from my feet. I quickly left the place.

I filed a formal complaint to my manager, expecting a swift and decisive response. However, what followed was a profound disappointment. My manager dismissed my concerns as a mere “difference of opinion,” trivializing the harassment. I did not know that she shared the same sentiment with the colleague who had contempt for me. Feeling isolated and claustrophobic, I turned to an external audit contact I had made at the company’s gathering the previous month. Their support emboldened me to escalate the issue further. He was so supportive and listened to me. He requested that I demand accountability from the company’s leadership. It was a difficult decision, but one I knew was necessary to reclaim my dignity and sense of belonging. I had challenges. The following Monday, my manager confronted me. She said I was trying to undermine her authority, that I was a “troublemaker” who refused to “fit in.” I was just trying to work and earn a living, not cause trouble. Her accusations only reinforced the toxic culture that had taken root within the company. I paid the ultimate price for speaking out. Because a few days later, I was fired from work without explanation, and without a severance package. I guess, my own existence was a net negative for the company and for my co-workers. I was unceremoniously terminated from my position, left without explanation or recourse. It was a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that my identity had become a liability in the eyes of my employer and colleagues alike.

As I reflect on my journey, I’m reminded of the importance of allyship and advocacy in creating a more inclusive work environment.

I told the external audit and So he made a complaint to the company’s directors. One of the company’s directors called me and gave me a listening ear personally. She apologized and promised to resolve the issue. She talked to my manager and she agreed to participate in a conciliation. Later the following week, I was called back to the office and reinstated in my position. My manager spoke to me about arranging a meeting which we did. After that, the company transferred my manager to a branch in Abuja, and agreed to provide compensation for the injustices I had suffered. They committed to conduct equal opportunity training for all staff members so as to mitigate the future occurrence of such happenstance. The contemptuous colleague was retrained before being transferred. It was a small victory in the fight for LGBTQI rights in the workplace, but a victory nonetheless.

As I reflect on my journey, I’m reminded of the importance of allyship and advocacy in creating a more inclusive work environment. If not for the support of the external audit executive, a contact I had from a get-together I attended the previous month, I don’t know how I would have been able to navigate the storm. I especially want to appreciate all allies. To all none-LGBTQI persons who want to be allies, I offer these words of advice:

• Read up, Educate, and Empower Yourself: knowledge is power. Take the time to educate yourself about the experiences and struggles faced by marginalized communities, including the LGBTQI community.
• Visibly Connect and Empathize: Show your support by visibly connecting with and empathizing with LGBTQI individuals in your workplace. Your solidarity can make all the difference.
• Empower by Standing up and Speaking up: Don’t be afraid to speak up against discrimination and harassment when you witness it. Your voice has the power to effect change and create a safer, more inclusive environment for everyone.
• Take Issues to Appropriate Authorities: If you see something, say something. Take issues of discrimination and harassment to the appropriate authorities within your organization and demand accountability.

Together, we can build a workplace where diversity is celebrated, and all individuals are valued for who they are. It’s a journey that requires courage, compassion, and unwavering determination. But with each step forward, we move closer to a future where everyone can thrive, regardless of their identity or orientation.

Written by Chukwuebuka Alex Ozoani.